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Magic: The Gathering Card Comments Archive

Phyrexian Processor

Multiverse ID: 207888

Phyrexian Processor

Comments (43)

EvilCleavage
★★☆☆☆ (2.6/5.0) (12 votes)
I was the first person in my town of Hanford, CA to get this duel deck!! The vendor was filling the shelves at our super wal-mart and asked me if I wanted to check out this new magic product that had come out. I said sure and he handed me this! I seriously looked at it and had to look twice when I saw that phyrexian negator was on the front! And I had to get it when I saw it said it had ten rares in it! When I got home I opened it and was oh so pleasantly surprised when I saw all the old school cards that were in it! I lost all of my cards back about ten years ago, and to make a long story short I was so happy to get all these great cards! And the coalition deck has 3 of the dragons from invasion! Man this is a great deal to get some more good suicide black cards and it has a bunch of amazing artifacts in it including this card above which could seriously win you the game, phyrexian colossus, phyrexian plaguelord, phyrexian gargantua etc. And the coalition deck has a lot of mana accelerator creatures and a bunch of other good stuff! I would recommend this box set for sure, ESPECIALLY for someone like me that got out of touch from magic for a long time (and I quit playing right after the urza block) and wants to get back into it, or a beginner or even someone that just wants to double up on a bunch of these great cards.
Kryptnyt
★☆☆☆☆ (1.9/5.0) (13 votes)
Sephiroth was made in one of these.
John-Bender
★★★★☆ (4.2/5.0) (6 votes)
My favorite of the Duel Decks. I kinda felt as if this should have been the Mythic rare. 8 life and Voltaic Key = an opponents quick death.

Also cool new art :)
Layton
★★☆☆☆ (3.0/5.0) (14 votes)
@Evilcleavage
cool story bro
HairlessThoctar
★★☆☆☆ (2.8/5.0) (2 votes)
I like the art, but the original had so much more context!

If this one had one of the pods busting open and a Minion slumping out, then it would be absolutely perfect.
aba1
★★☆☆☆ (2.5/5.0) (4 votes)
I use this in my arcum dagsonn edh deck to drop this card out n then next turn bring out basilisk collar give the a 20/20 life link n get back all the lost life n say yayyyyy
MasterOfEtherlum
★☆☆☆☆ (1.3/5.0) (42 votes)
THE BEST COMBO YOU CAN DO WITH THIS!!!!
EXPENSIVE, BUT 23% TURN 1 KILL(FROM RANDOM DRAW) IF GO FIRST!!!!!! IF NOT, YOU WILL STILL WIN!!!!












TURN !!!!!! BLaCk LoUtusss x4 ALL FOR BLACK MANA( THIS IMPORTANT!!), phyrexian proccesor (PAY TEN LIFE), VOLTaic KeeY, and dark riTTyouaalL11!

play all the lotussse55(sac em for black mAAmba), then the dark ritual. play phyrexian proccesor. apaya de tens lif points. make a 10/10 monsta. play voltaic key and use it to untap processoorr. make another 10/10 monster.

TUrn @@2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SWING FOR WN!!!!


BOOOYAAAHHHH^*$*$&^*$@#$#@$&$$%^&*(I&^


I AM AWESOME!!!!!
qaq456
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.5/5.0) (5 votes)
this dosent have haste
tenkaze
★★★☆☆ (3.0/5.0) (9 votes)
Man, even for MasterOfEtherium that was stupid.
MasterOfEtherium
★★☆☆☆ (2.9/5.0) (24 votes)
WTF Bro That Aint Me. He's etherLum
bijart_dauth
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.0/5.0)
deadly in an unlimited life combo, but than again, what isn't?
Smauls
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.0/5.0)
C'mon.. this card is amazing. Even if you only chose to lose 3 life, you're pumping out 3/3 creatures every turn. If you get just one attack in with one it's an even draw (you lost 3 life as did your opponent). Every succesful attack after the first is sweeting the deal (like an amusement park's seasonl pass, haha). Not to mention you might actually save life if you can block with throw away creatures. Easily 5/5
Stray_Dog
★★☆☆☆ (2.8/5.0) (6 votes)
@MasterOfEtherium bro you seem to have a doppelganger in your midst. If you blend in by starting each word with a lower case letter, then it wont be able to find you. Good luck.
blindthrall
★★☆☆☆ (2.7/5.0) (8 votes)
If a woman was impregnated by her brother, drank a mercury and grain alcohol highball every day after getting punched in the stomach, then gave birth while standing at the top of a flight of stairs, the resulting offspring would still have double the IQ of Masterofetherium.

Now that's a cool story.

As for the card itself, if you don't sack at least 4 to it, you're not getting your money's worth. I usually just sack whatever extra life my leech control deck has already built up.
dragonking987
★★☆☆☆ (2.8/5.0) (2 votes)
blindthrall you know Masterofetherium is just acting dumb for everyone entertainment and the really dumb comment was not his but his copy cat.
anyway its an looks like a great card I am thinking of making a life gain deck tell me what you think.
2 Beacon of Immortality
4 Soul Warden
4 Soul's Attendant
4 Ajani's Pridemate
2 Phyrexian Processor
2 Eight-and-a-Half-Tails
2 Felidar Sovereign
2 Wall of Reverence
2 Debtors' Knell
1Survival Cache
3 Recumbent Bliss
1 Unmake
3 Swords to Plowshares
4 Oblivion Ring
4 Journey to Nowhere
lands
15 Plains
4 Kabira Crossroads
4 Forbidding Watchtower
1 Mishra's Factory
total lands 24 total cards 64
sorin688
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.0/5.0)
this card is good if you are totally winning and you need a little push th win however it is better to just get a creatur that costs 4 mana
Shadoflaam
★★★☆☆ (3.1/5.0) (7 votes)
Ugh, MasterOfEtherlum. Even worse than the original, if possible.
jfre81
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.0/5.0)
Angelic Chorus

(and a few other combos)

The tokens being black, making them harder to kill with black, is just an extra perk. Plus, that's some sick art. 5/5
wrathofdave430
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.0/5.0)
what an awesome card!! 10/10 each turn anyone??
desolation_masticore
★★☆☆☆ (2.7/5.0) (7 votes)
I prefer MasterofEtherlum honestly.
Tynansdtm
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.0/5.0)
I just tore apart most of the deck, tore out most of the reanimate/sacrifice. This is one of the few cards I kept. Added some Vault Skirge, it's now a lifegain/beatdown deck. But I love this card, especially the new art.
asskicker123456789
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.5/5.0) (2 votes)
Type your comment here.
Bonkers455
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.5/5.0) (3 votes)
If I had a Platinum Angel out could I pay until my life total was a negative number? Essentially making a creature with infinite power and toughness.
Arachibutyrophobia
★★☆☆☆ (2.0/5.0) (1 vote)
giant phyrexians? yes plz
pedrodyl
★★★★☆ (4.7/5.0) (7 votes)
You can pay 0 life if you want, but it's not useful most of the time.
Thanks for the tip, oracle rules addition
benettfreeman
★★★★☆ (4.5/5.0) (1 vote)
Wonderful combo with Brion Stoutarm.

9 mana (or less with affinity or other cards that reduce costs) to kill your opponent, provided they have less life than you. Nnnnnice. And in multiplayer commander, you then take all of your opponents life and add it to yours so you can face the other players :)
Atali
★★★☆☆ (3.0/5.0) (1 vote)
@Bonkers455
No, you can't pay more life than you have per rule 118.4, which I won't quote.
Ferlord
★★★★☆ (4.5/5.0) (1 vote)
Hey, Wizards! Where's that print in the Scars block, huh?!
I know you don't want to break Standard... again, but honestly... everything is ready!

Maybe... maybe if you added counters instead of remembering the amount of life you paid... yeah! Maybe that'll be cool! Then it could work with Proliferate! Yeah!
And then you can mail me a free copy of Black Lotus and give it new art just for me! Of course! And then you can change the tides and move the Sun!

Obviously, I'm joking. It would've absolutely idiotic to reprint it or make a new version of it.

Just wishful thinking... wishful thinking...
KokoshoForPresident
★★★★☆ (4.5/5.0) (1 vote)
This is just EVIL with Brion Stoutarm.
GrimjawxRULES
★★★★☆ (4.9/5.0) (6 votes)
Paying 0 life can actually turn out to be quite useful with Grave Pact, essentially making it "4, {T}: Each other player sacrifices a creature."
Just thought I'd throw it out there ;)
Pigfish99
★☆☆☆☆ (1.5/5.0) (2 votes)
this makes me think the phyrexians are reapers. O_o
bobylee
★★★★☆ (4.0/5.0) (1 vote)
Pay all your life except 1.... and then BAM!!! Near-Death Experience WIN GAME!
Shendran
★★★☆☆ (3.5/5.0) (1 vote)
This+populate+cards like centaur healer and heroe's reunion = ?
Smoke_Stack
★★★★☆ (4.0/5.0) (1 vote)
My friend beat me today using this and paying 10 life. Pretty risky but damn if it didn't flip the game having a new 10/10 come out every turn against me. Best use of this card is to have Disciple of Griselbrand out so you can pay 5 the next turn and put yourself right back where you were life-wise.
herpdaderp
★★☆☆☆ (2.5/5.0) (1 vote)
They should keep opinions out of oracle texts "but its not useful most of the time," let us figure that out. Also a 0/0 would still trigger all "enters the battlefield" effects, all "leaves the battlefield," all "creature you control dies," etc.
LawdInfamous
★★★★☆ (4.0/5.0) (1 vote)
Absolutely love this card. I use it in a mono black vampire deck. I regularly activate the processor for at least half my life total. This one card can devastate opponents if it resolves and you can start marching out giant Phyrexian death machines!!
JimmyNoobPlayer
★★★★☆ (4.5/5.0) (2 votes)
If I'm not mistaken, this card still has a colorless color identity, so it can be put in an EDH deck with a non-black general. (I'm looking at you, Trostani, Selesnya's Voice.)
Aquillion
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.0/5.0)
The problem with a lot of the combos people are proposing is this:

If you can play and use this card and then land an attack with the resulting creature, you've probably won anyway. That's not the weakness this card has.

The big weaknesses here are artifact destruction and direct damage (which can kill you instantly if you spend too much life.) It doesn't really matter if you have some plan to gain back the life spend to play it, because generally by the time you're benefiting from that, you could have just used your giant creatures to win the game already.
fuggingolliwog
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.0/5.0)
This with Reverse Damage is just beautiful.
NARFNra
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.0/5.0)
Hey, I just realized this is basically Riptide Replicator for life instead of mana.

@bobylee
You've just paid 9 mana(processor + near-death experience) and 19 or so life, so you better have a way to stop them from doing anything next turn. Orim's Chant is probably the best bet, but that'll force you to have another two plains.
blurrymadness
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.0/5.0)
Turn 2 - CoreTapper
Turn 3 - Coalition Relic, tap tapper and relic
Turn 4 - Tap tapper, tap relic, tap your 4 lands, put this into play and create a token

You can even have two mana left over if you instead sac'd the tapper after tapping him.
ThatChrisFella
☆☆☆☆☆ (0.0/5.0)
Eternity Vessel's best friend.